My-opia

Hey! Long time no speak! It’s interesting how things work… the moment I stopped writing, something else filled that space. Then, in my mind, some switch told me, week after week, that there was something more urgent than writing this post. Which is true, by the way. But it is also true that there is always something more urgent than taking a shower in the morning, or eating, and that doesn’t stop you from doing them, or does it?

I have a terrible brain myopia condition (the incapacity to focus on anything but the urgent and close.) Yes, everybody has this, I know, but my condition is extreme. Let me confess something: most days, I forget to go to the bathroom during work hours. That means I arrive at 9:30am, leave work at 9:00pm, and in my way back home I realize my bladder is about to explode. This is a result of jumping from meeting to meeting, meetings that run over, I’m late to the next, a phone call I cannot take and have to return, an email I’ve scanned in the middle of a meeting and need to reply… during 11 or 12 hours there’s a non-stop sequence of urgencies. I never stop, never breathe… never pee.

I worry that brain myopia will kill me in the medium term. I can only imagine that it will result in some sort of prostate issue, severe nervous condition, or brain lymphoma like my father. Besides, I don’t exercise in any form due to my brain myopia (exercising is not urgent.) Brain myopia doesn’t help with my relationships either, it’s never really urgent to enjoy a good time with your wife, right?

I used to wake up early in the morning to work on my projects, write, do what I want. It was my only non-urgent moment. Well, I’ve pushed that a bit further and I now wake up at 5:30am… to work! It’s true that I went through a stretch but it is fascinating how urgencies, if you give them the space, they take it, hold to it, and never leave.

I’m pushing them out this morning, precisely to acknowledge my condition, and perhaps ask for help. I used to blame my work, but now I’m not sure. Certainly, if you suffer from asthma, working on a chemical plant won’t help. But I need to find the cure, the right strategies, the keys to step out of my condition. I’m ashamed to suffer from such a first-world, not-really-a-problem, there’s-people-who-travel-5km-for-water-and-you-complain-about-this-shit type of thing, but it is really taking a toll on me.

First thing is acknowledgement, I guess, but if you feel you’ve got something to help, don’t hesitate to shout!